I have declared myself a write. Not gonna lie, I like how that sounds, but I still have many doubts on whether or not I am ‘good’ at writing. One of the habits I have been practicing since the start of the year is doing Morning Pages. It is this concept that Julia Cameron created that encompasses practicing writing three full pages every morning when you wake up. Her program, or outline of how Morning Pages should be done, can be found in the the book The Artist’s Way.
If I remember correctly, The Artist’s Way was mentioned to me by the first counselor that I ever worked with while I was going through grad school. I had some truths pop up during our group counseling class that I thought it would be good to talk to someone for the first time on my own. After all, if I was going to be studying to be a counselor, it would probably be good for me to see a counselor myself - ya know, to see what it feels like to be the client.
Those counseling sessions became more helpful than I imagined, and I am glad that one of the recommendations from my first counselor was The Artist’s Way. I have always loved to write. I have several journals full from high school in through college, diaries from middle school, and I also still have a box full of notes that I write back and forth to friends. I am also quite a bit sentimental, so written words from others are very special to me, thus having like every note ever still in a shoe box in my parents’ basement. 37-year-old me gets a good laugh whenever I come across them.
But let’s get back to these morning pages. The main idea behind them is that you wake up every morning and write out three pages of whatever comes to mind. You might right about dreams you remember, concerns that are consuming your mind, or use it as a way to describe your days. If you have “nothing” to write about, then you just start writing about having nothing to write about and let the words flow until the three pages are up. By writing three full pages, it is supposed to help you clear your mind so that there is more room for creativity and less pondering over things stuck in your head. When I first started doing morning pages years ago, it would never last. I got really frustrated when I wouldn’t actually write every day like I was “supposed” to. I felt discourages and unmotivated to keep it going. I even tried to convince myself by having a really small journal it would be easier to complete three pages because it was so tiny, but even that did not help to keep this practice consistent.
So what makes 2020 different? I am not totally sure, but here are my thoughts and conclusions so far. I am a writer but I am also a perfectionist, and because I want everything to be perfect, follow all the right steps, and do everything as I am supposed to, it is really hard to keep working at something if it is not done right the first time. When I was frustrated with the fact that I did not do morning pages every day for a week, then I would stop writing for months. Then I would try again with the same results. This went on for years, literally years because I think I first got the book The Artist’s Way in 2010 or 2011.
Last year, I had bought myself two journals while we were in Italy. Big journals filled with the most beautiful Amalfi paper. And I did not want them to go to waste. I put in my planner that I would write “morning pages” every day, but this time I started them after I had been working on my mindset and what kept getting in my way. Perfectionism. I always thought that I had to write in the morning and if I didn’t write in the morning, then I couldn’t do morning pages any other time of day. This time I gave myself some grace. I started to let myself know that there are no Morning Pages Police that are going to find me if I am not doing the pages exactly as they were instructed. In fact, there was nobody what-so-ever that was going to reprimand me if I wrote morning pages not in the morning.
So there I was, starting this morning pages journey again, but following through with lowered expectations. Lowered in the way that I was letting go of the pressure that I always put on myself for trying to do things the right way. In the last few years, I have found that this is a pattern of mine. If things aren’t done perfect the first time then people shouldn’t see what I am creating, I am hard on myself, and then I just stop all together. I hated feeling like a quitter. But I am not anymore. These days morning pages can happen in the morning, afternoon, or evening. Morning pages can start in the morning and be finished after taking my dog for a walk. And all of this is okay. In fact, it is better than ok because I have written consistently for 2020 so far because of this. It is such a great feeling. Liberating actually, to think about how I am filling these journals with words about my day, fears, concerns, joys, plans. etc.
Writing has always been a refuge, and it will continue to be a refuge too. I am so glad that my morning pages habit has finally become a daily staple in my life, but I don’t think that would have happened until I had let go of what I thought was the right way to do it and finally did them the way that were best for me. And that in there lies the lesson. We can read all the self-help books we want or listen to all the speakers who say they can help you to change your life, but the real transformation comes when we learn what is best for us, take the information that resonates, and leave the information and tactics that don’t fit us. We do not have to be perfect to do the things that we want and to be proud of ourselves. What is perfect is when we choose for ourselves when is best, even if it is not done how it we originally felt it was “supposed to” be done.
