I am a Writer.

I am a writer. I am writing.

These are the statements that Jennifer Louden suggested that we try on for size as I am sitting here listening to her Creative Live class on writing. So, how do these statements make me feel? What comes up when I say them to myself, let alone others? Fraud.

The limiting belief that comes up instantaneously is that I am a fraud and that since I don’t write enough, that I am not actually a writer. How did this come to be? I have been writing for years and years. As a child I would try to write and illustrate chapter books. One of these ‘books’ was about talking crayons, of which I noticed a series of children’s books at Barnes and Nobles that is about talking crayons. I did have a good idea as a kid!

So when did these beliefs that I could not be a writer creep in? When do any of these beliefs that we “can’t” be someone or something that we would like creep in into our minds and influence our perception of ourselves? This feeling like a fraud has been engraved for a while, I believe.

Even more importantly, what will I start to do differently to change this mindset and really believe that I am a writer? I know that mindset is everything. Lizard brain vs. wizard brain. Fixed mindset vs. growth mindset. There are numerous studies on resiliency and grit. But where does one start on this as an adult to change something that has been festering in the mind for so long? I think that it begins with small changes and practices in our everyday lives and to take brave steps towards transforming our lives into something that we would like it to look like.

I am a writer. I am writing.

Today my first step is to literally declare that I am a writer. I am no longer going to just be the person who writes in a journal every now and again or the person who writes when she is angry, upset, or hurt just to get the feelings out somehow. There are many stories that swarm through my head on a daily basis - more like movies actually - and I would like to start getting some of these things down into a novel of sorts. I may not know the correct or ‘right’ steps to do this, but I think that for me it is a new beginning in really taking my writing seriously and working on the belief that I can do this damn thing, despite what anyone else might think (especially the doubting part in my own head).

In the Creative Live lesson, Jennifer mentioned to say ‘I am a writer’ out loud to either yourself or the person next to you. She also suggested that we could text it to someone. Instead, I don’t know why, it seemed easier to put it into the first blog post out into the public. There is something about knowing all people could have access to it and none could see it at the same time that makes it feel a little safe to make this declaration.

I am a writer. I am writing.