As I continue on my newfound writing journey, I have realized that I needed to do some more research. One of my own character flaws is that when I want to do something, especially something new, I want to make sure that I know as much as I can to try and get it perfect the first time. If you are human, like me, perfection cannot happen the first time something is tried - or the second or the third or any version of a new thing. This far stretch for perfection is something that I know is not actually achievable, but I sure try dang hard to do it.
I believe that writing is the thing that is going to break the grasp of perfection for me.
This is something that I believe to be true because in writing, everyone will have a different opinion on whether a writing piece is considered good or not. If I am not working towards creating a backbone for myself, then I was be in misery trying to reach a way to please all the people, which isn’t possible when writing a book. And isn’t that the same with life? We strive to be what others want us to be to fit in, but ultimately, we need to be ourselves and then we will attract the right people. We may be criticized or judged, and those are based off of that person’s world view and perceptions, just the same as when we read a book. I may love books with dynamic dialogue, while others might like non-fiction reads better. It is great to have these differences, and in writing, I think that I am about to learn how to strengthen my backbone and let go of the need to please everyone, because it is just not possible.
Until then, I did my research. I learned about the Hero’s Journey and bought a book about it to learn more. Then when I was at the library, I noticed some of the free classes that were available. One of which was a novel writing class. I am not sure if I had believed in 'signs'‘ from the universe before, but maybe I am beginning to because they seem to be popping up often. I signed up for the class, and I am so glad that I did.
Over the two classes, I could feel this spark of an old dream come back to life. I was an English teacher, so years ago in college I sort of started a writing career but not directly. Instead, I found myself in the classroom teaching students to appreciate British literature, read the meaning between the lines, and understand the importance of how the time period and history is intertwined into the plot. I loved the secrets and mystery that seemed to come from the pages and the ever-present movie that would play in my mind as I read through the words. Teaching was really great and rewarding, and I am glad to have had that as part of my career.
However, there was still a tug that this wasn’t quite the start or the end of my career. That teaching was not the only or the last part in my path of a career. My next logical step was to earn my Masters degree, both for myself and to further my career and also to actually move up on the pay scale through the district. I had to feed myself and pay the rent somehow. I found through teaching that I really enjoyed when students talked about their futures and enjoyed helping them process through personal growth. This led me into school counseling.
I am extremely proud of my School Counseling Masters degree. It brought my career and knowledge of human behavior to another level. I was able to work in a high school as a school counselor and then at a university to help students truly begin to navigate their place in their community as an adult. It, again, was rewarding and wonderful to work with people in this way. But through it all, there was still this tug at my heart and, if I am being honest, a little bit of animosity that I was sitting in an office telling students to ‘follow their dreams’ and there I was not following mine, even if at that time I was unsure of what that dream was. I had been suppressing that childhood dream for so long.
Isn’t it funny how when we ignore a dream that we think is silly and childish, that there are other ways the universe starts to tug at us. It’s like a kid that keeps repeating, “Look at me. I’m over here.” Yet we still ignore it because we have been taught that some dreams are not worth the effort. I see this quite a bit with with creative endeavors because society does not celebrate creative careers as being lucrative and sustainable. Sometimes it is difficult to be brave in a world where we are conditioned to believe certain truths about various professions.
I am glad that I have started to pay more attention to that little tug. The dream that just keeps on trying to let itself be seen. The dream that wouldn’t give up on me. The dream that has been rekindled in my soul and that flame is growing to be something that will not be extinguished.
I am a writer.
I am about to embark on a writing journey that I am not really sure where it will take me, but I know that I will be learning much through this process. When I imagine how it will all go, I think about how I will be tested in my confidence and security in myself, in my creativity, and in my determination to actually be published one day. I anticipate rejection, tears, and days that lack muse. But I also anticipate joy, fascination, and days that strengthen my trust and belief in myself.
