Establishment of a Routine

As a creative, my mind is pretty chaotic and very unorganized, but I have somehow managed to finally establish what I am proud to call a routine. When I used to go into an office or work in a school setting, it was easy to follow and plan a schedule because there were certain things that needed to happen in order to do my job. Now that I am working full-time from home, I need to establish those routines for myself. This has taken quite a while. Almost a year.

I finally feel like I have found a grove that works and that is not overwhelming. I think that in the last six months I have wanted to put together a list of things that I wanted to do daily, like Morning Pages, and I started to put these staple things into my planner on a daily basis. For 2020, I had also adopted Core Desired Feelings, which is a way to set goals for yourself based off Desire Mapping created by Danielle LaPorte. When I chose the things that I wanted to do daily and came up with my Core Desired Feelings, I found that I was basically prepping myself for a mindset of growth and motivation to continue to strive to lean into myself more. I really liked where this was heading.

Like I mentioned in the Morning Pages blog post, I am not one to be able to go into new routines cold turkey. They have taken time and patience with myself. Today, as I am writing this, I am feeling much more confident and secure in the routine that I have set up with myself - including the grace to complete my daily routine tasks at any time of day. There are still small things that I would like to add, but for now my day will also include: Morning Pages, walking the dog, completing the daily reflection in my planner, read for 30 minutes, and write for 30 minutes.

Okay, so if I am being honest, the one that I haven’t incorporated fully into my schedule yet is the writing for 30 minutes, but the rest have been there everyday on almost a daily basis. How the heck did I get this to all come together, and how could someone with a mind as chaotic and easily distracted as mine start to stick to this routine? Practice, patience and grace. I like to actually write in my planner and I use stickers to “reward” myself once I complete a task, and that alone has helped me to plan out what needs to get done and keep me on task. I’ve gotten to a point in completing my tasks that I have begun to complete tasks that are listed for the following day or take a bit of a break on a current list knowing that I will complete it later.

Where I am heading with all of this is that to keep myself on task and to establish a routine for myself if that I found something that worked with me to keep me motivated a focused. In addition to learning to live more in my Core Desired Feelings, I have also found that in increments of 25 minutes, I can get a lot done. On my FitBit watch, I am able to set up four sets of 25 minutes of work time and then a 5 minute break - ultimately it is two straight hours (with those 5 minute breaks) of scheduled work time. Even in my planner I write in ‘2 hours timed’ in reference to sitting down to complete tasks. In the last two weeks, just about every task has been marked off and with time to spare in the afternoon to read more or go for a walk on my own or start on things for the following day so there is less to do over the weekend.

I don’t exactly know how to describe it, but it feels almost freeing and light because I know what needs to get done each day and it is actually getting done. The pressure to complete things and the fear to in putting my photography work and ideas into the world has lessened. By establishing these routine, I have also been able to build my confidence in my capabilities with my work. My main advice to others who are seeking routine and structure, is that you need to find something that will work for you. Try different things and the key is to not beat yourself up when things don’t go exactly the way that you want them to. They can’t be perfect everyday. That is not realistic. Even the most chaotic of minds is able to settle into some kind of routine if you find the right formula for your day.

Not-so Morning Pages

I have declared myself a write. Not gonna lie, I like how that sounds, but I still have many doubts on whether or not I am ‘good’ at writing. One of the habits I have been practicing since the start of the year is doing Morning Pages. It is this concept that Julia Cameron created that encompasses practicing writing three full pages every morning when you wake up. Her program, or outline of how Morning Pages should be done, can be found in the the book The Artist’s Way.

If I remember correctly, The Artist’s Way was mentioned to me by the first counselor that I ever worked with while I was going through grad school. I had some truths pop up during our group counseling class that I thought it would be good to talk to someone for the first time on my own. After all, if I was going to be studying to be a counselor, it would probably be good for me to see a counselor myself - ya know, to see what it feels like to be the client.

Those counseling sessions became more helpful than I imagined, and I am glad that one of the recommendations from my first counselor was The Artist’s Way. I have always loved to write. I have several journals full from high school in through college, diaries from middle school, and I also still have a box full of notes that I write back and forth to friends. I am also quite a bit sentimental, so written words from others are very special to me, thus having like every note ever still in a shoe box in my parents’ basement. 37-year-old me gets a good laugh whenever I come across them.

But let’s get back to these morning pages. The main idea behind them is that you wake up every morning and write out three pages of whatever comes to mind. You might right about dreams you remember, concerns that are consuming your mind, or use it as a way to describe your days. If you have “nothing” to write about, then you just start writing about having nothing to write about and let the words flow until the three pages are up. By writing three full pages, it is supposed to help you clear your mind so that there is more room for creativity and less pondering over things stuck in your head. When I first started doing morning pages years ago, it would never last. I got really frustrated when I wouldn’t actually write every day like I was “supposed” to. I felt discourages and unmotivated to keep it going. I even tried to convince myself by having a really small journal it would be easier to complete three pages because it was so tiny, but even that did not help to keep this practice consistent.

So what makes 2020 different? I am not totally sure, but here are my thoughts and conclusions so far. I am a writer but I am also a perfectionist, and because I want everything to be perfect, follow all the right steps, and do everything as I am supposed to, it is really hard to keep working at something if it is not done right the first time. When I was frustrated with the fact that I did not do morning pages every day for a week, then I would stop writing for months. Then I would try again with the same results. This went on for years, literally years because I think I first got the book The Artist’s Way in 2010 or 2011.

Last year, I had bought myself two journals while we were in Italy. Big journals filled with the most beautiful Amalfi paper. And I did not want them to go to waste. I put in my planner that I would write “morning pages” every day, but this time I started them after I had been working on my mindset and what kept getting in my way. Perfectionism. I always thought that I had to write in the morning and if I didn’t write in the morning, then I couldn’t do morning pages any other time of day. This time I gave myself some grace. I started to let myself know that there are no Morning Pages Police that are going to find me if I am not doing the pages exactly as they were instructed. In fact, there was nobody what-so-ever that was going to reprimand me if I wrote morning pages not in the morning.

So there I was, starting this morning pages journey again, but following through with lowered expectations. Lowered in the way that I was letting go of the pressure that I always put on myself for trying to do things the right way. In the last few years, I have found that this is a pattern of mine. If things aren’t done perfect the first time then people shouldn’t see what I am creating, I am hard on myself, and then I just stop all together. I hated feeling like a quitter. But I am not anymore. These days morning pages can happen in the morning, afternoon, or evening. Morning pages can start in the morning and be finished after taking my dog for a walk. And all of this is okay. In fact, it is better than ok because I have written consistently for 2020 so far because of this. It is such a great feeling. Liberating actually, to think about how I am filling these journals with words about my day, fears, concerns, joys, plans. etc.

Writing has always been a refuge, and it will continue to be a refuge too. I am so glad that my morning pages habit has finally become a daily staple in my life, but I don’t think that would have happened until I had let go of what I thought was the right way to do it and finally did them the way that were best for me. And that in there lies the lesson. We can read all the self-help books we want or listen to all the speakers who say they can help you to change your life, but the real transformation comes when we learn what is best for us, take the information that resonates, and leave the information and tactics that don’t fit us. We do not have to be perfect to do the things that we want and to be proud of ourselves. What is perfect is when we choose for ourselves when is best, even if it is not done how it we originally felt it was “supposed to” be done.